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Published on May 12th, 2008 | by Omar

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What is a women’s purpose in life?

When my wife and I were discussing what we should name our daughter we had a long discussion about the merits of each of the proposed names. We had agreed that we should name her after a famous religious figure. We liked a few and when it came to the final decision and two names were left. The question came up “Was she married?” To which I was WHAT?!?! Does that have any significance? It was only because of the fact that she didn’t ever marry that it was an issue.

At first I thought it was just my wife but then when consulting others, the same question came up again and again. I was completely baffled as to what that had to do with naming our daughter after this great person.  A person who accomplished more in her short life than any human being living on this earth. A women with taqwa, iman and ikhlas that stood side by side with our beloved Prophet .


When my wife and I were discussing what we should name our daughter we
had a long discussion about the merits of each of the proposed names.
We had agreed that we should name her after a famous religious figure.
We liked a few and when it came to the final decision and two names
were left. The question came up “Was she married?” To which I was
WHAT?!?! Does that have any significance? It was only because of the
fact that she didn’t ever marry that it was an issue.

At first I
thought it was just my wife but then when consulting others, the same
question came up again and again. I was completely baffled as to what
that had to do with naming our daughter after this great person.  A
person who accomplished more in her short life than any human being
living on this earth. A women with taqwa, iman and ikhlas that stood
side by side with our beloved Prophet .

I
don’t know why I was surprised. If you were to ask most Muslim parents
“What is the purpose for a women in life?” there would be a handful of
answers:

  • To get married
  • To be a good wife
  • To give birth to children

Do these sound familiar?

So
if a women is unable to get married is she worthless? Ok, lets say she
get married, what if she is unable to have children, what then?

If
we look to the Qur’an and the sunnah, what does these sources say about
the purpose of a human being (both men and women)? To worship Allah!
Nothing more. Marriage and children can be a part of that but it is not
a be all and end all.

Don’t get me wrong, getting married is
great. Getting married (man or women) gives one access to all sorts of
blessing that one does not have access to when they are not married.
The same goes when you have children. By no means is it easy but there
is much good in it.

However, given the push by parents for their
children, especially their daughters, to get married. The pressure
starts early and only increases in intensity as each birthday passes.
Not only does this pressure come from the parents, but also the
community. The amount of backbiting that occurs about a female who is
in her mid to late twenties or older is unbelievable. You will often
hear things such as:

“She’s just so picky…no ones good enough!”
“She needs to just say ‘Bismillah’ and take the plunge”
“Who does she think she is?”
“There must be something wrong with her, that’s why no one wants to marry her.”

I’m
not saying that there are women for which the first and third excuse
may possibly be true. However, it seems that parents spend twenty plus
years raising only to push them out the door and into the hands of any
family willing to accept them into their family. Only to find that the
guy that they were married to or his family treats her like trash.  We
need to understand the following:

  1. The divorce rate amongst Muslims in the west is comparable to that of non-Muslims in the west.
  2. The amount of domestic abuse amongst the Muslims in the west is extremely high.

There are many reasons why the above listed facts are true which which I won’t cover here.

Needless
to say, the facts listed above are scary and they should be! Marriage
is a serious undertaking and needs to be undertaken with thought and
understanding. One needs to ensure that there is at least a basic level
of understanding between a man and a women before they marry. Brothers
need to understand that looks aren’t everything and women need to
understand that money/status/etc. isn’t everything.

Both need
to understand that IMAN and TAQWA are the keys to a successful
marriage. If a brother has iman, he will never raise his hand,
threaten, abuse or manipulate he wife. He will be fair when disputes
arise between his family and his wife.  If a sister has iman, she will
never mistreat her husband or in-laws. If both have iman and taqwa will
make any and all trials and tribulations easier and easier as time
progresses. These traits also allow you to see that life is about
fulfilling ones responsibilities of others rather than worrying about
what rights one is personally entitled to. If we all hold this view
then we won’t have to worry about our rights because they would be
fulfilled by those who are responsible for them. It will also allow you
to have a happy, healthy, long lasting marriage.

So discuss your
hopes, dreams, ideas but be flexible because flexibilty is essencial on
both sides. However, do not be flexible on your spouse having iman and
tawqwa because if they don’t have that then you could quite possibly be
in a large amount of difficulty.

May Allah keep us on the straight path based on the Qur’an and sunnah and protect us from the whisperings of shaytan Ameen.

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